Cure for deprivation!

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Since all my children and grandchildren are very far away from me and my husband  is ombord the ship right now, I always try to make myself busy so that I won't long for them so much. 

Yes, I have food, water, shelter and a work  that I love and I have God with me all the time and I am very thankful, but  still I miss my loved ones so much. 

So I do lots of stuffs to cure my deprivation, like making these cards. And I always find something to make me smile. So I hope they can make you  smile too! 

Mother-in-law Jokes

* My mother-in-law is banned internationally from playing poker, as she keeps all the chips on her shoulder.

* Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

* What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are Wanted.

* I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's chamber of horrors and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stocktaking.'

I said, 'Sure you can.' And shut the door.

                                                           Newlywed Surprise

The newlywed wife, Monica, said to her husband , Nick, when he returned from work, 'I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two.'

Nick started glowing with happiness and kissing Monica purred, 'Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world.'
Monica smiled and added, 'I'm glad that you feel that way, Nick, because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us.'

Final Complaint

Tomorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled it.

Paul: I was sorry to hear that your mother-in-law died. What was the complaint?
Phil: We haven't had any yet.

Intriguing Signs

1) Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

                                                   2) Spotted in a safari park:
                                     ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

                                                  3) Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

                                                        4) Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

                                              5) Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

6) Sign on a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Geography Jokes

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: Certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. Then the sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

                                       Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in the fight. 

Well , those are my cure for deprivation. How about you? 

JOY